imperfectly (imperfectly) wrote,

Sleep, no.

Dear almost 4 am, really???
My brain is going to explode.
About 2 weeks ago Ericas mom found a lump under her arm. She had breast cancer and partial mastectomy and chemo last year.
Actually her last chemo was in January of this year.
So she has this lump biopsied and it's recurrent breast cancer.
If only that was it.
She had a cat scan last week and it's everywhere.
Brain, liver,lymph,lungs and spleen.
Stage 4.
Yeah remember how her dad just died in April?
It's absolutely terrible.
I feel crazy and upset and like I want to run away screaming.
Her mom isn't normal , mental illness it makes it a million times harder.
She can't live with us or Erica will "hang herself".
She won't let us move her out of her hoarder nest into an apt near us.
So we are driving an hour back and forth with her to appointments.
I'm certain that if any home health care or EMS had to be called to her house they would have it condemned and put her in a facility. So now we have to go clean up her shit AGAIN.
How is on person so destructive ? Why Fo you throw shit on the floor and never pick it up?
And here is the cycle...we feel sad.
We feel bad.
We want to kill her.
We feel guilty.
It's a rollercoaster to doomsville.

Let me off please.

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